Galán

This picture was taken by me. That one is my lipstick. :)

What would you do?
When every humans that ever meet you says that you are not that beautiful?
When you thinks that you are not enough attractive?
When you thinks that your smile is not as nice as you thought before?
in other words, you realized, that you are an ugly girl.
Nothing can change it..
What would you do to forget all about that?

Take the step

This pict was taken by me, a long time ago.

I knew that you stared at me for a little long. And I'm busy pretending to not see you back, keeps my smiles for myself.
I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready to know you more. To walk beside you.
Maybe I'm not brave enough.
Maybe I'm scared.
Maybe, you just my 'maybe'...

Someone

"The Shadow" is taken by me

Tonight the rains fall down.
I don’t know why, maybe because the premenstrual syndrome, or anything that pissed me off, I was crying.

The fear just came to my mind, and I’m feeling upset.
I thought that I do really need someone to talk to.
Someone who listen everything that comes out of my mind.
Someone who does not tell me advices for what I feel.
Someone who says everything will be fine for me.
Someone who says it’s okay to be afraid and scared.
Someone who says I’ll be there for you when you fall down.
Someone who says I won't let you down.
Yeah, someone who give me a hand to hold on to.
Maybe I just need someone.

Evasion

That picture was taken by me, just now.

I just have to put on a cynical face, turned around when I saw you, and tried to not having a conversation with you. Just that simple ways. And you will go.
From my dream.
From my mind.
and from my heart.
Cause I can't handle it anymore, so I give it up.
I'm waving the white flag.

Flower, Woman, and Feminism

This photo was taken and edited by me

Last Monday, my lecturer asked me to representing myself. And my first answer is: I am a woman. He told my class, for me, a gender is an important thing, maybe. Indirectly, yes. I want to be respected as a woman. An independent woman who can pay the bills by herself.
Maybe some people will think that I'm one of the front row from feminism-side. Born as a girl, yeah, of course I supports that side. The equality of gender.
I have my own thinks and perspective bout it, and what people thinks bout mine doesn't matter for me, anyway. They may have their own opinions, and so do I. :)

A Pandora Box

You come. Then you leave me, with this damn feeling. Somehow, when I walked beside you, seeing your smiling face and laughing for me, I wondering have you ever considering the situation we had? You are telling me your stories and I will listening, smiling, and giving you a cynical answer.
I just feels, that it's too much for us. I can't handle it anymore. Always be there when you need me, when you need someone to talk to, when you need someone to walk with. Even you do not realized it. But hell yeah, I was be there for you.
But, I don't think my eyes can hide it more, hiding my feeling for you. I don't want to you look deeply into my eyes, and find it out.
I know well, that this feeling is forbidden for us.
A Pandora box.

Monday: HIV/AIDS World Day

"3 red ribbons" is taken and edited by me

It has been 3 days more and my wifi is such an idiot. I can't posting my new pictures and stories too. Anyway, late Monday was HIV/AIDS World Day. Many organizations at my university doing a great events, mostly they give us red ribbons. You know that symbol rite? I asked it one for myself. :)
But, seeing that symbol on my clothes and everywhere at my faculty, I asked myself. Do I have something to do to help against HIV/AIDS? Do I really care bout that virus? It's not about put on your red ribbon and do nothing than it. When you putting on that red ribbon, it means you are really 'care' bout that issue. Care, in this perspective, is you do something. Do you? especially, do I?

Coki, my friend, with his red ribbon, you can put it on everywhere! :)

Sky, Me, and the Roof

"Where's heaven?" was taken by me

When I was a kid, I'd love to climbed onto the roof. When I had at the top, I will sit and read a book or just listen the music which my mp3 played. Or if I can't find something to read, I will just lie back and staring at the sky while the wind is blowing up my hair. I don't know why, but when I feel bad or blue, I will staring at the sky, feeling the air and looking the shape of clouds. Suddenly, I will feel better, more than before. Today, I and my 'twin' sister, Qory, came to the roof of our faculty building. It was very interesting and both of us were very excited! I ran, jumped, and circling at that place.

Insomnia and Emptiness

8 Miles Away is taken and edited by me

During 3 days ago, my transient insomnia has back. Well, a long time ago, I used to addicted with coffee which is caused me to got this damn insomnia. You know, the night comes and you just starring your laptop or maybe just lie back on your bed, waiting for feels sleepy. That is terrible actually, but someways, insomnia helps me. I love the night, especially when you hear nothing outside, cause everybody is sleeping. Just you and the night.
Somehow tonight, I feel lost and empty. I know that there is something missing within my heart, and even my lovely and warm family, a bunch of best friends who wish me laugh every time, and all the things that I already have, all of these things can't help me to fulfill this emptiness. I will feel it when I am alone. When I ride Toothless by myself, when I back to my room, when I walk just for hanging around, and on the middle of my insomnia night. I will feel it.

A Happy Sunday

"Pink One" is taken by me

I have a very nice Sunday, yesterday. Cooking with my friends, talking, and laughing. Seems nothing to care about in this world. And in the evening, I had my quality time. Eating a cake with a cup of hot milk while watching a movie and a batch of books. What a nice Sunday! :)

Qory, my 'twin' sister give a pose

Left-Right: Martha, Ocha, and Qory. My Sunday's friends

Me, drinking my lovely soy milk and unfashionable match

I and the word perfectionist

This picture's taken by me, tonite.

Perfectionism is a belief that work or output that is anything less than perfect is unacceptable. am I a perfectionist? For some aspects of my life, I would say yes. One of my pal said to me, in his cynical tone, that I am a perfectionist one in some ways of my life. Yes, if you ask me that I setting the bar too high, which is I often can't get it. But everybody seems do that, too.
Well, what I need right now is the book of how to tackle your perfectionist side to not ruining your life. Because I think my side was going too far right now, and that doesn't seems a good thing.

What a happy day!

"Happy Little Orange" was taken by me

During this 5 months, I'd love to just saw your face. Seeing you smiling with your friends, talking bout everything which I don't even know what is it about!
For all the time, I just like to know that you are in same faculty as I am. Knowing that you have a class beside my class for one day in your week.
During that time, I just love to see your back, when you walk by me.
For all that time, the only thing that I need from you, is all of that things. No need more of its.
But this day, maybe I walked to far. I was bravely, enter your life. Just one little step to your life, and I knew, I just knew it, that I have to stop at this step. And I'm happy with that. :)

The Awareness Ribbon or Pita Kepedulian

"The Black-Red-White Ribbons" taken by me

I had told you about our act for help people at Wasior, Mentawai, and Jogjakarta through our social activity called The Awareness Ribbon or Pita Kepedulian. Today I asked my friend, Bayu, he is such a man behind this act, about how much the donation that we had collected until now. Surprisingly, we got 1.500.000,00 IDR and more stuffs such as clothes, books, etc. We already bought stuffs what those poor people needed there. That are blankets, children books, bath stuff, cooking oil, and rice. We will deliver that donation to PMI or Indonesian Red Cross who will deliver it to those poor people who need it. Depressingly, I can't help my friends to arrange to deliver the stuff, cause here I am, at my uncle house, 2 hours from Semarang.

Though this social activity is just a small act, but I'm so glad that we really do something for those people. We do not just. watch them at television, feel sympathy for them, then what? Do nothing. Just pray, but I'm not sure that our pray is a pray from the deepest of our heart. Do you 'really' pray for them? I meant do you really go to church and pray for them? Or take wudhu, and pray for them? Nah, I don't think so.

I do want to do something for them, maybe just give a little donation, but that's means a lot. By joining in this activity, I can felt that I had did something for them. I can help them, even just a little tiny thing, but at least, I did something, rite? So what are you, people, waiting for? Act now!
This are some photos of my friends and their ribbon:

"Putting On The Ribbon" was taken by me

Some of my pals, with their ribbon on their hand, and their smile.

Adit, one of my buddies, put on his ribbon

Do something!

My friend, Dilla tagged me to this pict

Yesterday is Sunday, and I did nothing on that day. Actually I had a plan, to washing toothless. He seems come from a jungle now. But I got my monthly date, so as usual, for the first day, i can't do anything well. The pain just pushed me down onto the bed. Gosh. Maybe i need to go to gynecologist.
but, in the nite, when i opened my facebook, my friend tagged me that pict. I saw that pict and something just push me to do what they told me to do in that picture. That act is easy, why would I miss it? So do you, guys. :)

And yeah, in the last Saturday, me and my tough team finally done our mini project. Well, you maybe known me as a member of the largest student organization in the world, AIESEC, Local Committee Diponegoro University. I had joined Mini Project Children Education as the Coordinator of Brand Communicating and Marketing. We have a lot of events Teaching English and Computer to underprivileged children, went to high school and did roadshow there, breakfasting together, and did roadshow for Washing Hand International Day! That was soooo much fun though. and I have such a nice team to work with. :)

Sadly (and lil bit happily), we did last roadshow for our mini project at SMK N 4 Semarang. You have no idea how much the efforts that i gave to this last event. So i was very relieved when it done with happy ending. :)

You can see the picture here:

The gate of school where we did roadshow

Karin, our Coordinator of Program as MC


Jessica (from Swiss) and Vanti, coordinator of Exchange and Logistic


Some of students from our roadshow

Holiday and Family

This picture was taken by my brother, Abang Ayik. I called it, Family II

Holiday is comiiing! Yeay!
Okay, I'm happy to hear that holiday is coming to my college.
But when you realized that only you and some of your friends will stay in this town, could you still be happy? Nah.
I can't say that I am happy to hear that.
The other, and mostly, part of my college friends are come from a-near-town, so they just need around 3-5 hours for just being at home. Well, yeah, I also need 5 hours to go to my hometown, but you need more than one pack of money and a loong holiday to feel like home.

Then you are right, I got this damn feeling again.
I'm feeling homesick more than usual, I'm envy to that people who can say, "I'll go home tomorrow morning." or "Finally this exhausting mid-exam has been done! Go hooomee!!"
They can go to their home so easily. Me? =__________=

This photo was taken by my father at Palembang.

How I miss to be at home.
How I miss my mother scene.
How I miss to see my father face when he talks to me.
How I miss my brother's laughing.
How I miss hang out with my girls.
How I miss my Saturday nite with my whole family, eats some foods, takes a lot of pictures, and laughs.

Hurt and 'Pita Kepedulian'

This pict was taken by me, called Hurt.

Why I can get out of this? Even I am going under every single times. Was it my fault? Or yours?
I thought, that it was our fault. We both have fear. We both have very high self preservation. Too high so we can't reach each other. Or maybe I am too foolish to even think bout that, aren't I?
Well, this is for the last time. I have been promised it and can't kept it, but for this time, let me try, to forget about you.
To let you go out from my life.
Thank you for permitting me to loving you so far.
Thank you for allowing me to hoping that you might be feel like as what i feels for you.
And now for my high self preservation, i am letting you go ...

p.s.: My friends and I having a concern bout what happen in our country, Indonesia. Well, you must be knew what happen at Mentawai and Jogjakarta. Tsunami and Eruption of Mount Merapi had broke all of our heart. So we want to help that poor people through doing social activity called, 'Pita Kepedulian'. Hope this lil thing can help them much. Let me know if you need more information and want to join us through this act.

Today was rainy. Heavily.

This photo is taken by me, at my hometown, Palembang.

Rain has came in the afternoon. Heavily. At the first time, it was scared me. Then i came to front of my room. Looking at the sky. The sky was not blue, nor sky blue, i can't figured it out.
Well, you knew it, rite? The air when the rain fall down. And the sound?
Relaxing yourself, giving back the old memories, and suddenly i remembered our time in the middle of the rain.
Why we always have a good time together when it is rainy?
Maybe the earth know bout us.
Maybe the earth want to tell us bout that thing.
That we never ever can have 'we' in our relationship.
But, do I cares?
I do not mind bout what we have now.

In the middle of confusion

This picture was taken by me. The birds origami.

Now I am in the middle of confusion. Thinking I was ruined my college life for this term, broken my daily time-line, and let myself flying away even forgot that i could be fall down suddenly.

I need to get rid of all of this. It's hurting me slowly.

p.s. : The picture's contains 4 origami. My friend made it for killing the time and I asked her to give me that 7 cute birds origami. I love the pattern of origami's paper, actually. :)

Look Behind The Looks

'Glasses' by ryons from Deviantart

I've just finished my dinner with one of my buddies this nite and was on my way to back to my room when i realized bout this important thing.

'Never see the books from its cover'

People always talking bout this quote a thousand times in their life, count me in.
And surprisingly, says bout something is easier than do what you are saying.
I am still putting my best effort to do what that short quote tells me.
what about you?

Our Times

I love the situation we have made.

I love when we talk the serious things, maybe laughing how the worlds play game with us.

I love to imagine how his face when he heard what I said

I love imagine the silent of him, thinking to giving back my words.

I love the way he laughing, know that I got him.

I love it.

Knowing we share the silent night together, even the shadow keep hiding us together.

Knowing he reply what I say, even with the question or the statement.

Knowing he talk bout his self, his trouble, his way, and his precious things.

I am missing him.

Missing how his lips make a smile.

Missing how his laughing, because my silly jokes.

Missing how his eyes looking through the world, who always make a game with him.

I imagine bout him.

Imagine the way he takes the cigarette; get the fire, quiet calmly breath, and release the smoke.

Imagine how the smoke swirled around him, makes a figure out.

Imagine how we meet together sometimes.

Imagine how situation that we have made, now.

3.00 AM

this picture was edited by me

Night is so silence at that time.

When I can hear my roommates breathe slowly in her sleep.

When I can hear a little bird voice outer somewhere

When I can see all of the shadow that runs to my thoughts

When I can just sit in front of my laptop, see the black wallpaper who reflects my face

It’s just good to have that time

Maybe my mom will angry and said, “What are you doing? It’s too late, and you just wasting your time to meaningless.”

“Why just go to sleep now?” comes from my strict brother.

And my heroic father will turn on his roil face and deeply say, “Go to sleep, right now, young lady.”

Well, it’s juts too late for them to warn me.

You know? May be its not healthy for me, and you can see the panda eyes at my face. But I can’t stop it.

I can do many things at that time.

The ideas come over me.

And my brain will do the job more over that time.

Not a meaningless time for me, but denotative ones.

Sometimes the time will bring a miracle for me.

Last time a check it that time brings me the place to run.

My second shelter is already been founded, but just keep it be mine.

Okay?